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College puts a new perspective on my life.

By Jill Kern

As I complete my first year of college there are many things that I can say that I’ve learned. Some in fact just since the first semester has been over. As my class valedictorian stated, “For my writing to be effective, I have to be in a certain frame of mind.” This could be a good excuse for procrastinators, but just as Whitney (Covert) said it, I totally agree with it. So what has triggered by mood to write this? Perhaps it’s because A.) I’m lonely B.) I’m bored or C.) I just watched the home video of class day and graduation with my cousin.

That’s right it’s been a whole year already! As I sat there in that living room watching the video, I couldn’t help but be overburdened with memories of my high school days, the good and the bad. As time keeps ticking away at my young life I’ve really started to cherish everything I’ve had, and realize there’s just some things you can’t get back.

In the senior edition of The Flash the high school newspaper we were to name our best and worst high school memories. For me my worst was regretting things that I didn’t do. And when I sat there on that couch I slowly began to pick apart my life from the past year. I soon came to the conclusion that I was no better now then I was the person standing on that stage a year ago.

Granted there will always be things that you wish would’ve done, but you just have to realize there’s not much more you can do but to live the best life you can now and make the most of out your days. Just as our class song stated, “these are the moments these are the times, let’s make the best out of our lives.” I can’t be certain if I have made the best out of my life thus far, but only hope that I will.

I also know that everyone would like you to believe, “when you go to college it’s a whole new ball game. Nobody knows you and you decide who you become.” I myself even thought that, but unfortunately like the saying goes “you can take the boy out of the country but you can’t take the country out of the boy,” for me I can’t change who I already am and who’ve I’ve been for the past 19 years.

Now perhaps I should, since I always seem to contradict myself, but with the circumstances that I’m talking about, people asking you to change your mannerisms just because they get offended, obviously they’re the ones that have a problem. I’m not trying to be defiant, rude, or ungrateful, its’ just me being me, and if people don’t like that then, its their loss.

When I write, it comes from my heart; I tell it like it is because I feel like it’s the only time in which I can express myself. I won’t lower my standards to be “politically correct,” because anymore I am the minority. Whatever happened to the freedom of speech and press, and life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness?

I know that this may not be the safest place to be talking about these things or expressing my ideas, thoughts, values, and opinions, but if I don’t say them…who will? In closing referring to Whitney’s graduation speech, she also stated, that in the words of Gretchen Wilson we are all, 'a product of our raisings.'

Maybe this isn’t how someone would’ve thought their daughter would act or talk. However I was always taught to speak my mind, and on the same token to put myself in others shoes. So I guess I’ve just been tired of being in the shoes, and thought it was about time to step out of them for my sake and others like me.

I am very grateful for SNP for allowing me to have the chance to write, because every form of writing in college has turned me away from wanting to be a journalist. That’s primarily because most people are “sue happy” and think everything needs to be politically correct and stuff. It’s just been to the point were I can't express my feelings and opinions in such a way, that I feel as an American I should!

So tell me your thoughts and opinions about this!

Hello everyone! I'm back... Over the past few weeks a lot of things have been going on in my life. Things that are so jumbled up in my head that I can't even sort them all out. So I got to thinking...one of my problems is that I feel that I don't have anyone that I can talk to. Of course I have friends that I can talk to, its just that each friend is different and is more helpful in certain situations and such. But even though I do have friends I feel as if I don't and therefore I feel that I don't have anyone to talk with. So I guess thats why I'm going to write in here. Because last year at one point I had had enough and wasn't going to take anymore crap and was posting whatever I wanted to. Well guess what, I'm going to do that same thing again. I'm sorry if I offended anyone..but guess what you choose to read this, it's a free country, I don't care about being "politically correct", and I just need to talk. So shut up and listen. Haha or well atleast read carefully or leave. So where to start...when I graduated last year everything so perfect and right. Although soon I wouldn't see the same people that I had for the past 7 years for a while. As soon as summer began what I feared would happened happened. Although I tried to work things out, things never seemed to be just right. Therefore me and my best friend grew apart. We still saw each other but the deep connection that we once had was somehow lost. Now this best friend that I'm talking about..its actually two people. Now I no I'm the one mostly at fault, its just that you never want to admit that your wrong. But I look at it this way. All my life I did everything right, never got in trouble, nothing! Its not that I wanted to be bad or that I necessarily was, I just felt up until graduation I had been sheltered. That I needed to take my wings and fly and explore the world around me, and of course it was the appropriate time since I would be going to college and such. So I guess in a sense thats what I did..and I guess I wasn't satisfied with the results. Anyhow... my enternal friendship I feel is still at stake. I've never been this lost or confused in my life before. Now I don't know if the way things have been happening to me is because of it or not. I love my church family, but anymore I feel whats the point of going. Which is so sad because thats how my boyfriend once felt, and me and best friend helped convince him that there is a reason in going to church. I just don't feel like I have the passion anymore...and maybe thats because I lost my youthful innoence or something. I dont' know. I mean I kinda feel like I need to do something or get involved in something so I will get my Godly high back... but its kinda like one of those go to church Sunday but out partying Saturday kind of relationships. Or going to Snow Camp or Creation and then a few weeks later you back doing the same things you were doing before. I just don't know what to do. I still pray, but I just question everything anymore and maybe thats my rebellionious* coming out of me that I never got to use before or something. Once again....I don't know. So anyhow college was going ok. I like my classes and my major and all that stuff. All until this month. Supposedly I criticize people and it hurts their feelings. Without trying to go into too much detail. Its just like if you don't know your doing something how can it be criticizing...unless that person takes it that way. You would think If you've lived with me for almost a year now you would no how I act and when I'm kidding and such. But I guess not. All I have to say is I'm me. And nobdy is going to change that! Take me how I am, and if you like me good...if you don't thats your problem. I just feel like I've been through enough crap in my life that I don't need anymore, especially at this stage in my life...meaning college...where most people are mature. I mean its kinda sad when you just want to have a conversation with some one and you have to watch every little thing you say, just so they don't take it the wrong way. Well news flash! The world can't cater to your every move. Thats not living in the real world. I mean this is college and I feel like I'm back in high school. All the petty little girl fights and stuff. Its also sad how I can't express myself with out being questioned about it. Like on AOL for example I can't put something in my info without someone thinking its about them. Geesh! So what is my point with all of this... I really have no idea I'm just trying to vent and get everything out. And I hate crying in front of people, but Monday was like the worse night that I've had in a while. I mean it's just basically because I feel like I have no one to talk to that I have all these emotions in side of me and they just bottle up and then suddenly the cork pops off and I explode. One of the things that I had tried to do in the past was to be more open and to let people know how I feel. But up here at school thats so much harder because yeah I may have people that I talk to...but their not friends like you have back home that know how you are and such. Which leads me to my friends back home there are a few that I still talk to... I know that they are growing up too, but I guess their my comfort zone and my dependcy that I would hope that I could fall back on...and since I screwed myself over this past summer I guess I just feel lonely. I no that you can take everything to God...but I just need to hear those comforting things from people. So anyhow.... I guess this is all I have for now... I just can't wait til these last few weeks are over. And I hope next year is so much better. All I have to say is stay true and be you.  Prayers needed in this difficult time. Amor Siempre.